Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tripp Stryker's Tuesday Talkback - Lingerie model/actresses

Hey gang, Bitter here. Our old buddy Tripp Stryker has a Tuesday Talkback question he's been dying to throw in the hopper for a few weeks now, but other blog priorities had left that feature on hiatus. But I promised him he'd get his say, so I'll let him take it from here.

If you keep up with all of the important trade sites like I do, you're aware that Megan Fox will not be returning in Transfomers 3 and has since been replaced by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, a lingerie model with no acting experience at all.

Sent from my iPhone.

Sorry, my mind wandered there for a second. Anyway, I'm glad to see that no one is too bent out of shape by this. Not because Megan Fox already sucked as an actress - that's been common knowledge for years. I think it's great to see an admission from Hollywood that no actor really has to be that good.

I don't know about you, but I don't go to the movies to see good acting. I go to see attractive people do stuff I can relate to (or in the case of most of you readers, to do things you could only dream of doing.) The problem is that really shitty acting is capable of ruining even that for me, and I suspect that's true of most people.

Yet I'm convinced that this is the start of a trend. Lingerie runways are soon going to be to film what soap operas were to major primetime shows - a training ground for the A-list of tomorrow. I believe that in the next 10 years, we will see an Oscar won by someone who wore racy lingerie for a living (and I'm not talking about those actresses that Stanley Kubrick screentested for Eyes Wide Shut.)

I'm shooting to be on the crest of the wave, which is why a few weeks ago I started on my newest script. It's about a sexy assassin for hire who crosses the wrong people and has to go into hiding as a stripper while slowly picking off her pursuers. The lead role is being written for a Victoria's Secret supermodel - Marisa Miller.

I know, I know... I can hear all of you saying "But she probably can't act!" Don't worry, I've thought of that. See, this assassin is a mute. She doesn't have a single line of dialogue. All she has to do is move where the director tells her to move and look hot. Bingo! No bad line readings, and if she can't even emote, it works with the whole "hardened killer" thing?

I'm thinking of calling it "Silent, But Deadly." What do you think?

Why Marisa Miller? Assassin movies have to remain somewhat attuned to the politics of the time and since the Republicans are poised to take back a ton of the government come fall elections, that means that patriotism will soon be back in style, baby! There's no model who looks more all-American than Marisa Miller. Most of the rest look uncomfortably Communist - like the girls that James Bond would have to bed in order to get close to the spy.

That doesn't mean they can't be in my movie, though. The antagonist can be written as a foreign looker and we can cast virtually any of the other exotic Victoria's Secret Angels. Right now, I'm thinking of making the enemy a Russian assassin trained by the remnants of the KGB who is now with a rogue group of terrorists. My pick: Alessandra Ambrosio. She puts the "ass" in "assassin" (in more ways than one.)

I haven't decided if I'm going to make her a mute too, or if she's just not going to speak English. I figure that if all her dialogue is in a foreign language, no one will notice if her acting sucks since they can't understand her. Plus, she won't even need to learn her lines. She could spout gibberish and the subtitles can carry the whole thing.

Here's where the Talkback part comes in: You all had plenty of shit to say the last time I popped up, questioning everything about my advice. Apparently I'm a woman-hater, a pig, and a sexist boor. Guess one learns something new about themselves every day. I could have gotten mad, but I decided to take it as my "Come to Jesus" moment. I need to write more female leads, and put them in strong positions of power. This might be the most feminist thing I've ever written.

So given that I'm playing in territory you guys seem to know a lot about, as the last step of giving my audience what they so clearly want, I need you to tell me what you want to see in this cat-and-mouse lingerie model assassin thriller. What's gonna put assess in the seats for you? Big explosions, hot chicks, shower scenes? How can I ensure this film is a success so that it doesn't become an excuse for not making other feminist-themed films about powerful women?

I'm just so excited to be a part of the new feminism. We've reached true equality when attractive people don't have to have any proven talent in order to get the opportunities that brilliant actors just have handed to them. It's Attractive Affirmative Action, baby! Yes, we can!

As always, you can reach Tripp Stryker at TrippleThreat69@hotmail.com but he will be checking in on the responses to this thread so tell him what you think!


  1. this has to be one of the grossest, most offensive pieces I've read. I'm a feminist, but I'm not one of these stereotypical "uptight" feminists. I watch porn, I appreciate beautiful women, I like Megan Fox and I couldn't care any less about a lingerie model being chosen for the next Transformer movie. Big deal. Maybe she'd surprise us with good acting.

    But this article was just so offensive and sexist.

    You want to write "feminist" roles? How about writing a role for an actress who's not traditionally "hot" by society's standards, but still beautiful and sexy in her own way?

    I'm curious what you consider "hot." does that include being tall, thin, white, blonde and having big boobs?

    Would you ever write a role for a "hot" black actress?

    Better yet: why don't you write a strong female lead that has NOTHING to do with beauty or sex appeal?


  2. Oh Tripp... always stirrin' the pot. can't say i read too much, those damn pictures were straight distracting!

  3. If you want to make women happy, you also need to also include more hot male ass. Like Troy. Make more movies like Troy.

  4. Deaf - Dude. Chill. I thought I was being pretty polite in asking for feedback and here you bitch me out and call me a racist for no reason at all. And part of your evidence is that I'm only into blondes. Have you seen Alessandra? Brunette. And Rosie's a brunette with blonde highlights too. Ginger's kinda freak me out - I'll give you that - but sometimes that still hits the spot.

    Sure I'd write a role for a hot black actress. I'm colorblind when it comes to women. All I see is "hot!" Zoe Saldana? I'd totally hit that. I've even got a bit of a thing for Oprah. And like most guys my age, I went through a brief "Whoppi" period in the early 90s. Must have been the nun's outfit in Sister Act.

    But none of them were the RIGHT hot actress for the role, and you know me... I'm all about getting the right actress.

    But c'mon! Someone else here HAD to think that racism accusation was out of line.

    Peter - I just need a few million more of you and this film's gonna be a hit.

    Emily - Gotcha. Troy. Okay, so that's got lots of macho battles. Check, I've done that before. Almost all the major speaking parts go to men. Check, WAY in my wheelhouse. Only female role is there just to be way hot and for all the guys to fight over? BABE! I've totally got this nailed. By those standards, I've got a half-dozen scripts that fit that paradigm!

    Em, (can I call you "Em?" Great, now can I call you "M?") I check in at your blog from time to time and you are totally the voice of the future female screenwriter. You're not gonna write weepy dramas about girls cutting themselves or dealing with abused relationships - you're writing four-quadrant films that dudes actually won't be embarassed to see with their girlfirends. So I'm gonna take your advice more seriously than anything the "Franny Feminazis" have to say, because I think they'll hate me no matter what.

    Anyway, forget what I said in this post about turning over a new leaf. Turns out I shouldn't be trying to fix what wasn't broken. The old Tripp is back, baby, and I owe it all to you, M!

  5. I'm pretty sure the movie you're talking about will seem quite lucrative to Michael Bay. Or another director who makes movies where things explode and women characters have nothing of real value to offer.

    There's a lot of them out there. You should consider pitching it.

  6. you've certainly got your product placement down. just imagine the goodie bags at your wrap party! may i make a suggestion? use the Victoria's Secret voiceover woman instead of muting your lead.

    as usual, i agree with emily - more hot male ass. or something where Jason Statham is never allowed to wear a shirt. include lots of running and sweating while looking into distances or dismantling bombs.

  7. Cool. So Roissy's writing screenplays in addition to giving pickup advice.

    Even better, there's a Victoria's Secret advert in the slot below.

  8. Another thought on why lingerie models might have superior training to be actresses. What advice is given to every person who's nervous about acting or speaking in public?

    "Picture the audience in their underwear."

    Because people in that state presumably have no authority, nor presence. They're completely vulnerable.

    Lingerie models take that one better. They perform in front of large crowds in their underwear - keeping cool in that scenario has to take some serious stage presence. If you don't believe me, show up for your next pitch meeting in your underwear and see how far you get before dying of embarrassment.

    I like the voiceover idea. Maybe I'll write it with VO and if Marisa turns out to be the next Meryl Streep I'll do a rewrite that puts all those lines into real dialogue.

    Statham's cool. Maybe I can work a part into this for him too.

  9. I don't know whether to be impressed or disappointed that no one has commented on the title of Tripp's movie. I must have been tired last night when I posted it, because it totally snuck past me until just a little bit ago.

    Well played, Tripp.

  10. I'm a guy and there's no way I would watch this.

    Unless it's 3D, baby!

  11. Unorthodox - Marisa Miller. In Lingerie. In 3D.

    You just blew Tripp Stryker's mind.

    You're gonna go places in this business, kid!

  12. Wait. I go to movies for good acting. That's why I go to superhero movies. They don't USUALLY skimp. ummm, Fantastic Four. Ghost Rider.

  13. "... no one will understand her"

    What about the people who speak the foreign language? Or will your film only be shown in English speaking territories?

  14. Another fantastic blog, Tripp. Please keep posting.

    It's like an entire film school education in bite-sized pieces. Sad this Mr. Bitter guy keeps interrupting your posts with his drivel.

    Characterization? Who the heck needs that when you've got hot babes in your movie.

  15. Claire - A pretty common trick is to just change the name of the foreign language that's spoken. So if the Assassin is supposed to be Russian in the English version, in the Russian version she might be speaking German.

    Jake - Awesome to find another guy who gets it. Sorry I'm not around more often. Bitter and I have worked out that I'll pop in maybe every four or five weeks as my schedule allows.

    Settle an argument I'm having with a buddy over this script. I'm playing with a backstory that will eventually reveal the two assassins had a fling together. I've written a pretty hot scene with the two of them going at it, but my friend - an "arty" screenwriter - says that it's so titlating that most viewers will miss all the subtle character work.

    He says I should just stash them in a hotel room together after they have to team up (oops... SPOILER ALERT) and have them talk about their feelings and their past. He says if I don't spend at least five minutes on this talk, the audience will never get why they're going at it like rabbits.

    But you're the guy who's gonna line up to see this in theaters and buy it on Blu-Ray, so I ask... do you care?

  16. But if you have the two characters talk then they'll need lines, right? I say you have them go at it (again) in the hotel room. That should clear everything up for the audience.