Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tripp Stryker says Hannah Montana is proof that Disney hates gays

Guest blogger Tripp Stryker returns with a look at how Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana: The Movie isn't quite so innocent as Disney would have you believe.

Hi folks! Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend celebrating freedom and reminding themselves of the good, patriotic values that seem to have eluded us in these recent times as our country hurls towards communism, socialism, fascism... or any other "isms."

Since we last spoke, the Trippster actually has landed himself something of a regular philly. She's a recent graduate of a midwestern college and came out here to make it as an actress. I met her a few weeks ago down at the pool in my complex and I could tell instantly she had everything I was looking for

I know, I know... it's a shame that such a great guy like me is so cruel as to limit himself to only one woman, but I'm working on that. You just can't expect a girl to go all "Wild Things" after the first few dates. So patience ladies, you'll have your turn.

But this isn't about my love life, it's about one of the most fundamental moments in a new relationship - when you start forcing each other to watch the movies you love but the other person has never seen before. This is how I came to watch Hannah Montana: The Movie.

I made her watch Ghostbusters, Terminator 2 and Wayne's World, none of which she'd seen. That's not normal, is it? They still get good movies in the midwest, don't they? (In fairness, I guess she wasn't even born when Ghostbusters came out and she would have been about 3 or 4 when the other two were in release.) This meant when it came time to pay the piper, I couldn't refuse the Miley Cyrus opus.

For those of you who don't know the premise of the show it's basically a superhero secret-identity thing, but replace "Superhero" with "Britney Spears pop star." Miley plays Miley (legend has it that, like Tony Danza, the producers were scared that the actress wouldn't respond to another name. Much like Homer Simpson failing to respond to Homer Thompson when joining the Witness Protection program.) a normal girl by day - but teen sensation Hannah Montana in concert. With a blonde wig as her only disguise.

Anyway, as the movie starts Miley is getting tired of the dual life and she's getting a chip on her shoulder about it. Basically, she turns into a spoiled brat and so her dad Billy Ray Cyrus whisks her back home to the family ranch. (Side note: when I made an "Achy Breaky Heart" joke, it was met with a blank stare from my girlfriend, who couldn't believe that Miley's dad was also a singer!)

The important thing from the plot that you need to know is that after a close call or two where Miley has to switch between identities quickly so that she and "Hannah" can appear to be the same place at the same time (Hey, didn't I see this in one of the worst Superman movies?), she ends up putting on a hometown show as Hannah. I guess she's overcome with emotion at being home, or all the trouble she has keeping her lives separate because mid-concert she says she can't do this anymore and stops the show.

She gives a heartfelt (for this movie) speech about no longer wanting to live this lie. She wants to be herself and not this fake facade of Hannah Montana. She's had enough of the double life and just wants to be true to who she is. Then she pulls of her blonde wig, exposing her real identity.

When I see that I can't help but take it as a metaphor for closeted gays. Like those homosexuals, Miley has taken on this fake persona in order to navigate the world, subverting who she is for what everyone expects her to be. Here she pleads with a crowd of everyone in her hometown - basically the people she's supposed to be closest to - to let her finally escape this lie.

And what does everyone say? Disappointed children cry out for her to put the wig back on. She says she can't do it. Then the guy she likes shouts "Yes you can!" The whole crowd chants "Hannah! Hannah! Hannah," brow-beating her into taking up the hated wig and donning it once more. Why? Because they like Hannah! They prefer the lie! The lie is easier for them to deal with than the truth, so they want Miley to be Hannah because it makes their lives simpler.

So basically Miley comes out of the closet and says "This is who I am! Please accept me!" And everyone she cares about says, "Get back in the closet RIGHT NOW!"

Look, it's pretty common knowledge that
Disney hates gays, but how fucked up is that? What kind of a message is this to send to impressionable kids? Don't be true to yourself - be what everyone else wants you to be. Live the lie that makes life easier for those around you. Hide who you are.

The closeted gay metaphor couldn't be more clear if the scene was a Thanksgiving dinner, with Miley bringing home her new girlfriend to meet the family. I can see it now - With each attempt to introduce who this girl is and what she means to Miley, everyone at the dinner table sticks their fingers in their ears and says "LA, LA, LA, can't hear you! Be straight! Be straight! Be straight!"

By the time the movie was over I was sick to my stomach for reasons completely independent of the fact I was force-fed a teeny-bopper film. If this subversive, hateful, anti-gay indoctrination is something that can be found in all children's programming, then I weep for the future. Our children deserve better than to become the brainwashed puppets of a hate-mongering agenda.

Shame on Disney. And shame on Miley Cyrus. To think I even once defended Disney's California Adventure.

Got a beef with what Tripp says? Hit him up at TrippleThreat69@hotmail.com and he'll tell you why you're wrong. Also, Tripp's heard the pleas from many of you who want him to get his own blog. He's not ready for that yet, but you can get a regular dose of Tripp by following him at his newly-established Twitter account @TrippStryker.

7 comments:

  1. If you're referring to your girlfriend as a spirited, young, frmale horse, the correct word is FILLY. With the PH, PHILLY is a cheesesteak sandwich.

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  2. Where the hell did the anti-homosexual theory come from? I was always under the impression that the company was open minded about the topic. They annual host Gay Days at the original Disneyland theme park in addition to employing a large number of openly gay crew members at the park. I can accept your theory of social acceptance in relevance to the Hannah Montana movie if it was broaden out more. The crowd is being selfish by wanting a figurative pop star more than the persona who empowers the fictitious character. Their selfish desire does not necessarily imply that the pop star nor the person behind the "musical mask" is gay.

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  3. Now you have to watch The Bratz movie and tell us what it's about.

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  4. Tripp, I think you're reaching a bit suggesting it's a metaphor for a closeted homosexual. It sounds like the real issue is that, in attempt to salvage the premise of the show, the filmmakers deliver a very irresponsible message. Which becomes cruelly obvious if you go with the homosexual angle, instead of the current dilemma. Otherwise, it comes off as only a sign of good ol' bad storytelling!

    P.S. I haven't actually seen the film.

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  5. Go peddle this shiz to PerezHilton. No place for it here.

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  6. Wow. I'm sorry you had to watch the movie. Lizzie Maguire was waaaay better, lol. I don't know about the anti-gay message, maybe it was supposed to be more about "following through on your commitments"? Either way, totally sucks for Miley that they wanted Hannah more than her to be herself. Lame!

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