Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Tuesday Talkback: Worst horror sequels

The only thing more fun that listing your favorite horror movies is listing the worst horror sequels you've ever seen. There's no feeling quite like seeing the fourth or fifth instalment of a once-profitable series and asking yourself, "Did they even try to make a good film this time or did they just assemble this from the scenes cut out of the earlier films?"

There are some movies that never needed sequels. The Exorcist probably ranks at the top of that list, but that certainly didn't stop them from making what is supposed to be one of the worst sequels of all time. Psycho also got an unnecessary sequel, but I have to admit I find Psycho 2 somewhat entertaining, if you can get past the blasphemy of making a sequel to a Hitchcock classic.

And I know I'm probably the only one on the planet who thinks this, but I feel like Blair Witch 2 was an interesting experiment. I think had the studio not butchered it in post, it might have been better received. (Also, I think the movie's biggest mistake was to proceed from the premise that the "found footage" from the first film was false. Had it been treated as "real," the revelation of the sequel's own video footage might have carried more weight.)

There are so many terrible horror sequels that it's hard to peg which one is worse. Is Freddy's Dead really significantly worse than Freddy's Revenge? Is Halloween II worse than Halloween II? (God, I love how reboots screw up the numbering system.

So what say you? What horror sequels rank as your all-time worst?


  1. I agree. The Exorcist sequel is the worst.

    You don't mind with schlock like Saw, but with masterpieces like The Exorcist, it's offensive.

    Halloween III - the one about the evil toy factory making evil masks. Not Michael. Way to ruin a box set.

    Evil Dead 2. NO!! It is NOT a comedy.

    Nightmare on Elm St 2 was redeemed by number 3. That scene where Freddy reaches out from the TV and smashes the patient into the TV, leaving her hanging from the TV by her burned head. Wow - way before its time. A chilling image for my impressionable mind.

    Amityville Curse. Seriously?

    Nobody better touch The Shining. I tolerate Stephen King's 'remake' but...no.

  2. JAWS 4 -

    A) A great white kills the youngest Brody son (now a deputy) while on a boat. This kid was terrorized in JAWS 2 and 3, yet he wants to be a cop working on the Amity launch? MOVE TO ARIZONA YOU MORONS!

    B) The mother decides to visit her son in the tropics because she's getting psychic vibes from the same shark...who is apparently now a psychic serial killer with subsonic Decepticon-like travel capability...the shark (from New England) beats the mom down to the islands).

    C) Michael Caine appears and I start getting the same feeling I got when Michelle Pfeiffer showed up in Grease 2.

    D) The older son, despite a lifetime of enduring shark stalking, also decides to continue with a career that keeps him on, in, and near the ocean.

    E) Mario Van Peebles in dreads makes his "Stitch Jones" performance from "Heartbreak Ridge" look positively Oscar-worthy.

    F) Everyone is shocked that a great white is in tropical waters. The breed off the great barrier reef. Isn't is kinda mild weather there? How about in Cali?

    G) The shark teases Mrs. Brody with psychic attacks. Deanna Troi can be heard in the ether saying "I sense fish, Captain. Fish and a deep sadness."

    H) Mrs. Brody decides to commandeer a boat and take the shark on...because...she's a moron.

    I) The shark attacks the boat. Michael Caine crashes his plane in the water. The shark tries to eat Caine, but fucks it up. The shark is also inept at the one thing it's SUPPOSED TO DO!

    J) The humans attack the shark by using some weird camera-flash electronic thing. Mario Van Peebles stabs the shark with the receiver and gets taken...but survives...useless shark. The younger Brody must've been a heck of a pussy...

    K) They activate the shark-shocking weapon. The shark sticks it's head out of the water a howls. Sharks don't have air-expelling lungs or vocal chords. So...

    L) Mrs. Brody impales the shark with the boat. The effects iook worse than Jason and the Argonauts. The shark dies...making the younger Pansy Brody son the only Brody who hasn't killed a great white. It's a good thing Martin Brody (killer of 2 such fishes) is dead by this film...he'd be so ashamed.

    I mighty-morphin-power hated this flick and watched it like driving by a bad car wreck...

  3. The Texas Chainsaw sequel from the early 90's with Renee Zellwegger and Matthew McCaunaghay! Hands down aweful!

  4. Sex and the City 2!! oh wait.. not that kind of scary movie.

    Hostel 2 was pretty ridiculous, of what I can remember. Like it took so much away from the first i was actually a bit angry.

    Exorcist 2 as well (already mentioned).

  5. Texas Chainsaw sequel with Dennis Hopper.

  6. Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf.

    And no ... I didn't make that up:


  7. Whatever Happened to Rosemary's Baby? With Patty Duke. Awful.

    Both Omen sequels.