Thursday, October 22, 2009

Teach Lion's Gate a lesson this weekend

I don't advocate sneaking into theatres or theatre hopping, but if for some insane reason you HAVE to see Saw VI this weekend, please buy a ticket for a different movie and sneak in to the Saw screening. I mean it. This isn't a joke. The only way this blight on human decency and entertainment is going to die is if we kill it.

Buy a ticket to ANY other movie out there, even that Vampire's Assistant film that looks like utter shit. Hell, I promise not to judge even if you go see The Stepfather. But if you help Saw VI earn money in any way this weekend, you might as well have just shanked every aspiring screenwriter with a thriller/horror premise. Why would any studio make a new movie when they can just Xerox the last big horror film - and Lion's Gate has proven that nothing, NOTHING will stop the Saw franchise. Not the departure of the creators. Not killing off the main villain. Not even the increasingly ludicrous plotlines.

Come Monday I want to read lots of box office reports about how it opened soft and sank like a stone. I want to see panic in the faces of every torture-porn producer out there. I want the kind of doomsaying "collapse of the horror genre?" articles that crop up when filmgoers are no longer willing to pay money to watch creative new ways to sadistically torture people. Make it happen.

Sorry there's no thought-provoking lesson today. I'll try to be more insightful next week.


  1. "please buy a ticket for a different movie and sneak in to the Saw screening"

    Man, I love this concept, I hope it catches on!

  2. I am on board with this big time. I think this policy should also be put into effect for things of the Transformers/G.I.Joe ilk and insipid rom-coms with marriage-obsessed female protagonists. Let's start a movement!

  3. The first one was quite enough. After that we knew what was going to happen. Every victim but one dies. Maybe. The horror of what Jigsaw was went away and now it was just watching characters who we had thinly disguised disgust for dying grusomely and us taking vicarious pleasure in it.

    If you're going to have innocent people tortured and murdered, there has to be a reason you're doing it, which in nearly every case revolves around illustrating the monstrosity of the villain. No Country for Old Men was a good example.

    I would prefer that they simply do what the majority of other Internet connected Americans do. Wait till there's several copies on torrent or in fileshare listings.

  4. I am a fan of some imaginative "horror" movies, but "Saw" and "Hotel" are just too much about watching people get tortured in creative (?) fashion and nothing else. That's disturbing. And can you immagine what it's like to actually work on one of the those piles of do-do for months? Eeek! Don't know how they do it. Money doesn't justify everything.

    - E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA

  5. Dude, you might be setting yourself up for a letdown. Best to root for something sure to lose this weekend, like the Raiders. I'll take more Saw movies over those two ass-clowns that do those terrible "spoof" movies. Those movies make me want to kick a midget.

  6. I was gonna say "Amen brother" but then Peter said it do now I look like a douche.

    I HATE torture porn. HATE. I wish this phase of our lives was over.

  7. I have watched all saw movies which came before this. Now I am waiting to watch Saw VI movie tomorrow. It will be marvelous movie. I love horror movies and till nothing could pass the saw movie. I love to watch this movie.

  8. I'm not a fan of the Saw series. Or the Hostel series. Or torture porn in general. Not because they're sick and disgusting, but because they aren't very original and the foreigners do this shit so much better.

    But advocating ripping off other artists is bullshit. If so many people are really behind you on this they'll stop making these movies.

    People like torture porn. Who gives a fuck?

    I get tired of seeing another shit in my face romantic comedy every week. I'd like to advocate putting Renee "Squinty" Zellweger and Sandra Bullock out to pasture.

    Guess what I do? I just don't go see them. That new one with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant? Won't see it. If I had to see it? If my wife begged and pleaded and guilted me into seeing it because she watched both Funny Games and Audition for me last week? I'd go see it. And I'd man up and pay my ten bucks for the ticket. Thank God she also hates rom-coms.

    And if you really think these are the only horror films being made, think again.

    It seems like every week there's another pathetic entry into the zombie genre. Stupid people chased by less than charming, less than alive villains. Yeah, that wasn't a bankrupt idea 25 years ago.

  9. Looks like one lucky little boy is getting his wish this weekend!

  10. Hear hear. I saw the first Saw, then I saw Hostel. That was enough for one lifetime.